Letter to a Pet

I thought this was funny!


Dear Dog & Cat...

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure
your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to
the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out
and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing
but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same
door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or
feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!


To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door: Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About

Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.(That's why they call it "fur"niture.

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember:
Dogs and cats are better than kids because they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear
your clothes, don't need gazillion dollars for college, and if they get
pregnant, you can sell their children.

As it turns out

As it turns out when you need drastic measures taken to produce drastic changes, all you need to do is blog about it for the world!
I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!

Outbursts!

OK, so lots of people say I am a Drama Queen...I say with everything I have been through I have earned my Drama Rights. Poor Seth though, we will be driving along quietly and I will just completely burst out with "OH MY GOD, I AM DYING OF HEAT EXHAUSTION" Why I don't just reach up to the dashboard and adjust the temperature I don't know. This doesn't only happen occasionally, it is actually MOST of the time! : ) Seth is good though, he will mostly put up with my outbursts. He will kindly reach up and adjust the temp, or put his hand on my leg to calm me.....but Lord help us all if he acts like there is something abnormal about the way I act. I think if he isn't with me and I say "HOLY SHIT I AM FREEEEEEEEEEEEZING. I am going to get Frostbite...It is so FREAKING COLD!!! He secretly tries to contain his laughter....not so well sometimes I might add. I just go PSYCHO CRAZY BITCH on his ass!!!
So we were driving along innocently and I had one of those outbursts, OH MY GOD I FEEL LIKE MY INSIDES ARE ON FIRE!!!! DAMN, SHIT, F-ing A.....I am going to die....Seriously I THINK I AM DYING SETH!!!!! He turns to me doe eyed and says "So, Is that Tourettes do you think????" He was So genuine and serious.....I mean he honestly thought that I may have Tourettes!
I can't remember if I have ever laughed that hard in my life....lucky for him! Rest assured, on top of everything else I don't have Tourettes, I like to say I just have a lot of PASSION!!!! Not Sure Seth would agree! : )

My Funny Valentine

This is little Cheddar. His Brother is Colby, but he was napping during the photo shoot! Look at his little scarf! I just love this little guy so much!

funny

I was blog surfing yesterday and found a couple sites I LOVE just by linking to them off of others' blogs. Everyone should definitely read this post at whingingit.com It made me laugh so hard! Also off of Why are we in this handbasket I found another entertaining site Jenny_Jacobs
Have fun!

Told you so

Seth, Try as I might you never listen to me.
It is coming. I am scared.

MY ALL TIME FAVORITE COMMERCIAL

I am on my knees bowing to the DOVE gods and goddesses!
This Commercial shown during the Super Bowl made me so happy.

SOMEONE HELP ME

Has anyone happened to look at this blog and read the post called I AM...there was a pic of Wonder Woman beside it, and Seth refuses to believe it was ever on here. It has disappeared and I don't know how I did that. I was using a mix of Firefox and Safari in viewing and updating today, and somehow it was erased.....I am so sad....Please let me know if you happend to see it....

Pretty you Pitiful me

You are so pretty.
So where does that leave me?
Sad and always alone,
in a house thats not a home.
I try to sleep the day away
To relieve some of the pain.
It never goes quite fast enough
and when you arrive I blow up.
What the hell is wrong with me?
What is it that makes me so angry?
I really do not like myself,
or our situation b/c of my health.
I am whom to blame
every time I yell a name.
Its nothing that you really do,
I'm just jealous of beautiful you.

HELLO???

I have been wondering where everyone is. I have not gotten any comments on my blog...don't get me wrong, I know it is SO BORING. I Really can't even stand to read it myself, but the last was boring as well...and I got comments, anywho...
I checked my settings, and for some reason comments were supposed to be sent to me before they were approved, and I wasn't getting them. Not to say that there were any to get. Oh well....