OVER

I AM OVER THE HOLIDAYS.
We have made it through Christmas and the sharing of each other w/ one another's famillies. We just have to make it through New Year and we will be Aces.....
I sure hope that 2007 has some good stuff in store for the Ledbetter-Lockard Families. My brother and Sis in Law will be having their 4th baby any day now. Hopefully he will be a happy healthy little guy.

Happy Christmas

Here is what I have been thinking today....
Probably b/c I am not working again and I once again find myself thinking about the stupidest of things during the day.
What I wonder about today is, why Do we say Happy New Year, Happy Valentines Day, Happy St. Patrick's Day, Happy Birthday, Happy Anniversary, Happy Halloween, Happy Thanksgiving but Merry Christmas? Maybe I will try to change the world one person at a time and start saying Happy Christmas.....though I do like things that are different, so maybe I will just let it remain Merry.....who knows, I have SO much time to think I will probably figure it out before December 25th.
For Fun Try This


Also Seth Sucks b/c he looks at my email to find out what I bought him for Christmas. I shop A LOT online especially during flu season, b/c I am on Immune-Suppressive Drug therapy.....EWWWWWWW I am so Flippin' Mad at him

10 things I HATE ABOUT CHRISTMAS

10. Waking up at 5:50am due to loud crash downstairs
9. probably caused by new kitties
8.Realizing when I get my wits about me that It is probably the Christmas tree that has
come crashing down to the ground
7. making my way down to survey the damage
6. trying to lift said Christmas tree
5. crying over lost ornaments
4. sweeping up lost ornaments into dustpan
3. kitty traipsing through ornament remnants
2. throwing remains into garbage
1. looking at 2/3 bare tree that I refuse to put ornaments back on

Top 10

Top 10 Things I Love about Christmas Time

10. Carols
9. Carolers...does anyone do this anymore...Does anyone want to go with me?
8. Shopping!
7. Giving Presents
6. Ornaments
5. Lights
4. Walking through Christmas Trees
3. Getting Christmas Cards in the mail
2. Candles/Wreaths in Windows
1. Spending Time w/ drunk Family

JOB

I have a job.
I hate it.
It is the first REAL job that I have had since having my bone marrow transplant in July 2001.
I am scared.
I don't want to let everyone down.
The Real World Sucks....I had forgotten

Top Ten Good Looking People in Politics

OH MAN!! I totally meant to post this yesterday...I have been working on this list forever in anticipation of Election Tuesday... Oh well here it is a day late and a dollar short

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER...

10. Oliver North
9. J.F.K.
8. Arnold Schwar...ok just checking to see if you are still with me!
7. Harold Ford Jr.
6. Anderson Cooper...Ok so he's not in politics, but he's hot and he talks about politics

5. Barack Obama (B/c He straigt up Barackas my Socks off)
4. Seth Lockard (What? he totally majored in Political Science??)

And that's It b/c let's face it...there really aren't alot of hot politicians

My Top Ten Cartoons Of All Time

10. The Flinstones
9. The Jetsons
8. The Smurfs
7. The Power Puff Girls
6. Muppet Babies
5. Strawberry Shortcake
4. Care Bears
3. Schoolhouse Rock
2. Beverly Hills Teens
1. Jem Because she's truly outrageous

Top Ten Tuesday

I am going to post every Tuesday on my Top Ten of something....

Today I will start off with the Top Ten Things that Scare me

10. Spiders
9. Scary Movies
8. Bats
7. Mice/Rats/Rodents
6. Snakes
5. Cincinnati
4. The Dark
3. Storms
2. The Dentist
1. Contortionists

A day in the life of "Jack" O Lantern

OH GROSS : )

10 songs you were probably conceived to

Night-time Meds

My Boy's Got Mad Dancing Skills

Stay

If I stay here in bed as the world spins away
I could be by myself and not get in the way
The way of the world as it goes on and on
I could hide here in bed all night and day long
Sometimes I don't want to wake and sleep I crave
I am crying out but am beyond being saved

ARRR!

Happy Talk Like a

Pirate Day!

Crazy Girl...Seriously El Loco Coco, Coo Coo Cachew

You are coo coo for cocoa puffs,
I don't even know where you come up with this stuff.
Is it because your life's so sad?
You want everyone to feel just as bad?

Its sick to bring the good down,
for no reason at all.
I get the feeling you'd cease to breathe,
if you had no one to laugh at after their fall.

Me falling from grace
would be your best day
and its sad that this is you>
Because I would've done anything for us to just be cool

And its sick to conjure up a lie
to have something to talk about.
I truly believe that you would die
if drama, you had to live with out.

In Memory

*************TOTAL DOWNER WARNING****************

On August 15, 2006 The tri-state area banded together to try to find a missing boy Marcus Fiesel. His Mother had taken him to a nearby park. She had health problems and she passed out. When she came to she realized that her foster son was missing. For Days the police, fire department and citzens looked for him. About a week after the incident was reported the Foster parents Liz and David Carroll along with his live in girlfriend moved out of their home. On or about August 25th detectives started to wonder if the boy was even alive anymore. There were many things just not right. Like the timeline for instance. The Foster Mother said that he was visited by a social worker on August 10th. The case worker disputed this story saying that the last time she had seen Marcus was the week before (Aug. 3rd) When she arrived at the house on August 10th she was turned away by the foster parents as they told her Marcus was upstairs and too sick for visitors.
Long Story Short the Foster parents have been indicted for his murder. The live in gf went to the police and admitted that they had a family reunion in the begining of August and Marcus (I am guessing here) would have been too much to take care of. He was autistic. They taped his little arms behind his back and wrapped him in a blanket and stuffed him in a small closet. When they came home 2 days later he was dead.
I am physically sick over this. I don't understand how anyone could do something so disgusting to a little boy.
Once Seth and I went out for about an hour or so and when we got home, I heard meowing. I went upstairs to find that our cat Jack had been stuck in one of our closets. It made me cry, thinking about him wondering what was going on. Point being you don't even treat animals like this little guy was treated. I am sick over thinking of him being hot, being hungry, having to go to the bathroom, being scared. I want to go back and time and rescue him. I would love him, I would take care of him. I want him to know what real love is, and I have to believe that now that he is in Heaven he does. But it does make me wonder Why the hell this happened. If "there is a reason for everything" (which I am often told) what the fuck is the reason for this???? Why are there people out there like Seth and I that want Desperately to have children and can't, when there are those that can and for some reason, don't want to take care of them. He had been taken from his mother b/c of signs of neglect. He had walked out of a 2 story window. In his short life he never knew what it was like to be taken care of. It truly truly makes my stomach turn. I grieve for the love he didn't have, for the life that he didn't have b/c of these sick fuckers.
As I have written before, I find it extremely therapeutic to listen to music for all different feelings that I have. I have listened and cried to this as I remember Marcus...

That young boy without a name
Anywhere I'd know his face
In this city the kid's my favorite
I've seen him
I see him every day
Seen him run outside
Looking for a place to hide
From his father
The kid half naked
And said to myself
"O, what's the matter here?"

I'm tired of the excuses
Everbody uses
He's their kid
I stay out of it
But who gave you the right
To do this?

We live on Morgan Street
Just ten feet between
And his mother
I never see her
But her screams and cussing
I hear them every day
Threats like
"If you don't mind
I will beat on your behind"
"Slap you, slap you silly"
Made me say
"O, what's the matter here?"

I'm tired of the excuses
Everybody uses
He's your kid
Do as you see fit
But get this through
That I don't approve
Of what you did
To you own flesh and blood

I'm tired of the excuses
Everybody uses
He's your kid
Do as you see fit
But get this through
That I don't approve
Of what you did
To you own flesh and blood

"If you don't sit
In your chair straight
I'll take this belt
From around my waist
And don't you think
That I won't use it!"
Answer me and take your time
What could be the awful crime
He could do at such young an age?
If I'm the only witness
To your madness
Offer me some words to balance
Out what I see and what I hear
All these cold and rude
Things that you do
I suppose you do
Because he belongs to you
And instead of love
And the feel of warmth
You've given him these cuts
And sores won't heal
With time or age
I want to say
"What's the Matter here?"
But I don't dare say
"What's the Matter here?"
But I don't dare say

-10,000 Maniacs

Word of the Day

Truthiness

The quality of stating concepts one wishes or believes to be true,
rather than the facts.

Origin: Stephen Colbert, "The Colbert Report," 2005

"And that brings us to tonight's word: truthiness.

"Now I'm sure some of the Word Police, the wordanistas over at
Webster's, are gonna say, 'Hey, that's not a word.' Well, anybody who knows me
knows that I'm no fan of dictionaries or reference books. They're
elitist. Constantly telling us what is or isn't true, or what did or didn't
happen. Who's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was finished in
1914? If I wanna say it happened in 1941, that's my right. I don't trust
books. They're all fact, no heart."

Kudos

I downloaded the PINK cd I'm Not Dead a few months ago when it first came out. I wanted the song "Stupid Girls" b/c I thought I loved the beat, the words...I just found it to be really true of what is going on in Pop Society today. I decided to buy the whole cd, I am not sure why.?? When Listening to it, I came across the song "Dear Mr. President" I haven't been able to listen to it after the first day of hearing it b/c it makes me cry too hard. I listened to it back to back to back about 10 times, just trying to soak up all the words. (Ask Seth...he hates the song...probably b/c of the constant repeat!)
Anyway, just thought I would share. If you ever want to, I strongly recommend downloading/buying the cd.

"Dear Mr. President"
Pink (feat. Indigo Girls)

Dear Mr. President
Come take a walk with me
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly

What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep
What do you feel when you look in the mirror
Are you proud

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why

Dear Mr. President
Were you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
How can you say
No child is left behind
We're not dumb and we're not blind
They're all sitting in your cells
While you pave the road to hell

What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye

Let me tell you bout hard work
Minimum wage with a baby on the way
Let me tell you bout hard work
Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away
Let me tell you bout hard work
Building a bed out of a cardboard box
Let me tell you bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
You don't know nothing bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
Oh

How do you sleep at night
How do you walk with your head held high
Dear Mr. President
You'd never take a walk with me
Would you

SAD SUNDAY

Sunday nights are typically depressing for me. I find myself irritable, and sad. I hate that it is the start of a new work week for everyone. I hate that I am not "normal" enough to work/hold a steady job. I start to get these useless feelings, but even more so now that School is starting back up for Car. I am always sad that Sunday night means when I wake up Seth wont be here. He will be back at work. For a while we would have a lot of arguments on Sundays. Then I realized, I wasn't mad at him, I was mad about the situation. At least when C is home during the summer, I feel somewhat useful, and like I am doing something. Like when I tell people "I am a stay at home mom" instead of "Eat Shit" (like I really WANT to) when they ask what I do....I truly am in the summer. I am staying at home and taking Care of my girl. During the school year I am just a Stay at Home. I wont lie though I could and say that I am a Homemaker. I do nothing for this home. My husband brings home the bacon and if it is to be served then he fries it as well. Occasionally I will make dinner. But I don't do all the household chores like I should. I have NO motivation to do anything during the school year. Anyway, just wanted to vent, to no one in particular....just wanted to get it out there. I would love to be a better person...with a purpose would be nice.

Always Wear a Fresh Pair...You know in case of accidents and such

It's National Underwear Day!

I've Got A Fever

I have to say, that I have many Favorite SNL Sketches. This has to be one of the Top though.


Will Ferrel and Chris Parnell are just GENIUS. But I always love it when one of the actors can't keep himself from laughing, as you will see Jimmy Fallon in this skit do!

I DID IT!

I am so amazingly blessed in my life. I have a beautiful daughter, no matter how much we but heads. (she is just like me...which can be both good and bad at times) I have a husband who loves me, no matter what. I met him after I had Carly and he both accepted US and loved us ALMOST as quickly as I loved him. I have an amazing set of parents. They love me, they take care of me and they wouldn't have it any other way. I could never ask for better friends than those that I have. I love them all so much. My Bone Marrow Donor saved my life...she too has a beautiful family. All of these people have surrounded me. Rallied around me. Given me UNCONDITIONAL love and care, shoulders to cry on or just lean on.
How do you adequately thank people for being their for you, when if not for them you wouldn't have had the will, the reason, the strength.
I have had some daunting life experiences I guess you could call them. I just celebrated my 5 year anniversary of my bone marrow transplant. I don't know how to explain why I made it other than I had to. There are so many others out there like me though that haven't been so lucky. For them I grieve. Sometimes I feel completely and totally overcome with sadness because I NEED a reason why.
Alot of people in my life have said there is a reason for everything. I never understood that...what could the reason be for me getting sick at 21?
A few months ago a nurse that coordinated my transplant, my stay in the hospital, all of my insurance issues called me and asked me if I would talk to a lady that had Hodgkin's Disease and like me was going through it for the third time. She was to have a bone marrow transplant in May. She gave me her phone number and I called her. We talked for a couple hours. She had many questions, some about the transplant, some about what happens next. I tried to answer them all as honestly and positively as I could. After talking to her I felt a huge sense of accomplishment I guess you could call it. Like I had done something that truly mattered. If that is "the reason" -my being able to help someone by answering questions then I could without a doubt do it over. If I can help ONE SINGLE PERSON, then it was all worth it.

Fat Feelings

Beefy and Bulky
Heavy and Husky
Obese and Hefty
Stubby and Tubby

Bad Feelings

Deplorable and Horrible
Slow and Gross
Hate and Sadness
Pitiful and Morose

YAY NELLY & CHRIS

I found this....
"All Good Things"
Not sure if it is illegal or not?
I am loving it X 5000!

***DESPERATE*** NEED FEEDBACK ASAP!

How do you Thank the woman that saved your life??
I need to know now!!!!
My Bone Marrow Donor is coming for a visit on Wednesday. Next Month will be 5 years since she gave me her Bone Marrow and saved my life. I want to get her a meaningful gift, but She isn't easy to shop for. She doesn't wear jewelry, and she doesn't like flowers.
I want a meaningful gift.
I thought about a clock and I would inscribe it with:
The Gift Of Time
5 Years!

Too Cheesy? Would she get it? I am not implying that she is stupid by any means.....That's ME....Help me w/ any suggestions.....Please Hurry!

Silence or Talk?

IF anyone can help me out I would so appreciate it....if you check out my post below about being a wild and crazy guy you will see how I was basically shamed for trying to be sexy.
Anyway, What do guys want in Bed....Silence? Or a little talk? My Guy completely in a fight said something out loud that I had said the night before during sex.....and then he started to laugh. My self esteem is shooting down the tubes faster than the speed of sound. I have been really down in the dumps lately b/c of this. I can't believe after 9 years, all this is coming to light.
ANY ADVICE would be greatly appreciated.

NEW HANDLE

Is that what the title of a blog is called....see I really don't know and I am trying to sound as smart as possible....which can be a daunting task for me at times!!!
Anywho...
Some people got ahold of my blog name and something that was on there got back to my Dad and then to My Mom who thinks that I am going to be killed just like someone on Primetime 20/20 Mystery of Dateline. So I told her I would stop blogging, but now what I plan to do is just not give this out except to those of you who promise not to tell my mom ....
Funny I am 30 years old and still try to apease my Mom whenever possible. So that's the reason for the change in name.
Just as the ol' standby Sneaky Peek had a funny story behind it involving my little tike So does Pupcakes and Pantons.
Those two words were her mispronunciations of Cupcakes and Tampons when she was learning to talk. Anyway, if you are one of those that have linked to me off of your site then if you would change the name of my blog to pupcakesandpantons.blogspot.com

FIXED?

I seriously doubt that Cheddar agrees.
Poor little guy.
Watch Out Colby, You're next...

I'm Just a Wild and Crazy Guy

OK so recently I recieved a link to a funny site that shows clips from a show on Cable Channel Fuse called Pants off Dance off.
If you don't check out the link then just know that it is all different walks of life young, old, heavy set, skinny, people stripping to popular songs. I couldn't help but be reminded of me trying to dance sexily (is that a word) for Seth this past weekend. We were up in our bedroom and I think My shirt was off, but not my bra, and I tried to shake it for him and the first thing that came out of his mouth was not "Honey, you are so sexy, I just can't stand to be another minute with out you in my arms" it was "You look like that sketch on SNL of Steve Martin when he is A Wild and Crazy Guy.




Heart = Broken
Oh well, with this show maybe there is still hope out there for me.

Will Work For Food

OK, so PROMISE YOU WON'T HATE Me and think I am a total Bitch but,
HERE GOES...
When I was 17 or so and driving in downtown Cincinnati with my younger (16yr old) Brother there was a man that looked like he had lived a hard life holding a sign that said will work for food. I was very very very sheltered, and upon seeing this man my eyes filled w/ tears. I was also frightened of him and didn't want him to get too close. My solution? Throw change out into the intersection.
To this day my brother says "I'll Make You work for your food" about the poor man that I had scrambling all over the street to pick up coins.

KARMA AND TEARS

Function: noun
Etymology: Sanskrit karma fate, work
1 often capitalized : the force generated by a person's actions held in Hinduism and Buddhism to perpetuate transmigration and in its ethical consequences to determine the nature of the person's next existence

I do not believe in Karma. I couldn't possibly. How would I explain everything that has happened to me? I mean, I couldn't have done anything THAT WRONG!!!
I am noticing more and more that I am a very jealous and selfish person....could this be why I had Cancer 3 times?
I remember being engaged to Carly's dad. While we were engaged I got pregnant (Blessing in disguise of a monster). About 3 months into the pregnancy He told me he was cheating on me. This is where I think the jealousy stems from..It is also so hard to ever trust again after something like this has happened to you. I used to wish that the saying "what goes around comes around" was true..Just for his sake. I wanted him to suffer beyond anything I could ever do to him. He is now married w/ two more children.
My brother just found out that he is having his4th baby. It's not that I am not happy for him.....I couldn't be happier for their new edition, but I can't help but wonder Why Not Me? I have known from the second that I had Carly that Mothering is what I wanted to do with my life. I have always known that I am an awesome mom. It comes so naturally. I love doing it, and I knew when the time was right (like when I was older and married) I wanted to have more children. Unfortunately Babies weren't in my future. Cancer was, and all the crap that comes along with it.
Geezz, and to make me feel even worse I am wishing it was me that was pregnant....That is SO a HUGE SIN and I am probably going straight to hell.
Maybe sometime I will know how to end this, but not for now...as I explained earlier, I am feeling way too sorry for myself to make sense of anything right now....Tears, tears, tears

Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it. ~Albert Smith

Free???

I have always thought that one of the best things about being here in America, is that we have the freedom to say what we want to, how we feel about something/someone. It seems though, that this doesn't really hold true. OR does it.....I am still thinking while writing this. When The Dixie Chicks said at a London Concert that they were embarrassed that George W was from their State of Texas, the backlash they received from that was terrible. From what I understand they received Death Threats and all sorts of boycotting and booing them...I guess I don't get it. One of the many perks of living here is our Freedom of speech, Yet they share an opinion and are chastised for it.....or is the chastising just another form a free speech....


I was sitting in the living room saying this aloud, and Seth said you should blog about that.....b/c I told him last night that I haven't blogged b/c I have nothing of interest to say.....And here I am blogging and I still don't know what it is I am trying to say. It pisses me off that they can't speak their mind w/o it being detrimental to their careers. On the other hand Boycotting is a sort of freedom of speech........I am so confused now, and Again I have nothing of importance or interest to say......Unsure why I started the blog back up, b/c I can't think of anything to talk about.

Sorry if there is anyone out there reading......I am a little boring lately

Are you kidding me w/ this?

David Blaine is Insane

I STILL love this stuff!

This stuff makes me happy....be it online or in a package.
You know how they say kids will be more happy with the box or paper that a present comes in than the present itself? I find this ALMOST true with Bubble wrap for myself!

CRUNK

When I was in LA my brother and sister in law kept saying things were CRUNK....
"You look straight up Crunk in that hat"
"Hey can I have a drink of your Crunk Juice"
Which led me (OF ALL PEOPLE) to say What is CRUNK? They were surprised to learn that I didn't know what it was and had never heard of it before. I thought it was a Whack kind of Crack....Seriously....When I saw Whitney Houston on an interview say Crack is Whack, I think it stuck in my head that it was Crunk...ANYHOO...
***Seth thinks I am ghetto*** I may have shared this before So for me to not know what Crunk was, was just, well something is not right w/ the world! : )
They informed me it meant Good, and Great....Awesome....
I got home and went to one of my favorite websites www.urbandictionary.com
Crunk actually means a cross between Crazy and Drunk.
Anyway, for me to look "STRAIGHT UP CRUNK" wasn't the best compliment I could receive....I guess??
I was told by a guy once that "EVERYTIME I SEE YOU, YOU ARE DRUNK" He had seen me what....twice? Once at a wedding and once at a Halloween party...I mean, HOW RUDE. I liked him...even still after he said that....I thought to myself man, I have to sober up....those are 2 of the handful of times that I was tipsy, I think I am just naturally a happy/crazy person....so maybe I am crunk??
Anyway, I will end this rambling with a quote from one of my favo comedians-

"I went out with a guy who once told me I didn't need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, ‘I'm drinking so that you a’re more fun to be around." -Chelsea Handler

******************************************************************************************************************************
That reminds me....so happy that Rosie is going to be on the view....Love her, Loved her show, She will be great to play off Star
So glad that Ellen won another Emmy! I have loved her since she was a secretary on a Fox show (I think) Called Duet but then it was spun off to a show called Open House.

COOLIO

Ok, So I am pretty much in love with this song. I have loved Dave forever...he's just so...I don't know....cool
I do not get the BMG but they are pretty cool too in this. I have heard of them before, but never seen anything of theirs....I will have to investigate!

I'm a Redhead now!

One Pro of being a (Cancer Free!!!!) girl is being able to change your hair on a whim!!! I just love doing it! I think it kind of freaks Seth out a bit....but he'll get used to it....I HOPE! At least this time I did it from a box! I usually spend too much at the salon.....but how do I get this dye from under my finger nails??? MANICURE ANYONE??? : )

What you don't realize...

Seth and I celebrated our 5th anniversary yesterday April 21, 2006. We have long wanted a digital camera and so we decided to visit the apple store to see if they had one in stock that we saw on the website. We found one and as w/ everything electronic Seth gets to get his grubby little paws all over it first!
I thought he was trying to figure the cameral out to take a picture of me....So I sat there and kept sticking my tongue out until he was ready for my BIG BEAUTIFUL GRIN....
Suddenly he says "WHAT YOU DON'T REALIZE..." I didn't think twice about it.... then he put the camera down turned it around and this is what I saw...

DARN IT!

I just found out that today is National High Five Day
Oh well... 3 hours and 15 minutes left....GET TO IT!

SAY CHEESE!

Seth and I (well me more than Seth) Love to take pictures of EVERYTHING to document how we felt/looked/what was going on at certain times in our lives. I also love to look at old pics to get that feeling back. This pic is just too funny b/c It looks like I am about to come unglued if Seth doesn't just take the flippin picture!!


This one is later that same day (I think?)
after I got cleaned up and into my own pj's.
I should be the POSTER CHILD for
"ANTERIOR CERVICAL SPINE SURGERY"
Don't you agree?

I am improving

Still not myself, but that could take a couple weeks...just wanted to drop in and say hi to ya'll
Here is a pic of Seth and Me at the hospital!

Tramps Have More Fun

Will You Go To Prom With Me?

And Dance And Dance And Dance And Dance And Dance?

I love this girl, her pesky little bro, and her Grandma! She cracks me up, and when I want to annoy Dad or Seth, I sing the Dance and Dance part!
I have had this in my head forever and couldn't remember where I heard/or saw it. I finally found it after many yahoo and google searches! YAY!

Lyrically Speaking

When I sit and listen to words to a song, I can almost always apply it to my life somehow. I have always been a lover of all things music. I played the clarinet in a band in Junior High, and started taking piano lessons at age 10-16 or 17. Sometimes I will hear a song (like The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony) and be completely moved to tears. That happens a lot to me. For some reason when listening to music it will stir up all kinds of emotions. Whether it is happy, sad, angry, jealousy...I welcome each feeling that a certain song conjures up. It is almost like I get some sort of release from just listening...And Lord help us if I am in a car alone....I will sing at the complete TOP of my lungs if the mood is right...I love those times! I have been told many times that I have a pretty voice.....I guess it is OK, but I seriously don't care, even if I am off key and having a bad singing day I will still sing!
Since my diagnosis of Cancer in March of 1998 when I was 21 almost 22 these feelings (whatever they may be) are so much stronger than they ever have been in my life. I love hearing a song that reminds me of a certain time/place/person in my life. I love listening to Cds that I have taken road trips with and remembering that time driving along and jamming.
There was a song Carly and I were listening to tonight on her iPod. We each had one of the ear buds in one of our ears and we love to look up the lyrics and sing-a-long. 10,000 Maniacs (the original) Trouble Me came on. I remember hearing it a long time ago maybe during highschool but really listening to the words when Seth and I started dating. He had the Unplugged CD. When the song came on, I turned to him and said, I would love it if someone would say this to me. That I could feel OK w/ sharing any trouble on my mind no matter what and not worry about the person being weighed down by that. The actual feeling of being able to "trouble" someone w/ whatever..whenever. Tonight while singing and listening to it with Carly I realized...It was like a lightbulb went off...I can offer this to her. I turned to her and explained the song in words she would be able to "get". We both had tears in our eyes while singing along to the rest of the song. I love that I have given her a gift that I have always had...to be able to remember the time when she was 10 laying in my bed looking at the iBook listening to the Shuffle singing to each other. To remember she can Trouble me with whatever and it wouldn't be any trouble at all...that she doesn't have to carry the weight of ANY problem EVER on her shoulders alone, because I want to always be there to help her through.

"Trouble me, disturb me with all your cares and you worries.
Trouble me on the days when you feel spent.
Why let your shoulders bend underneath this burden when my back
is sturdy and strong?
Trouble me." -10,000 Maniacs

Junebug

So, I guess being layed up can be a little fun as you have more time to do things like watch movies on a Saturday afternoon. I just saw Junebug yesterday. It was the best movie I have seen in a really really long time. Amy Adams was AMAZING in it...something about her maybe the incessant talking, the love for all things strange to me especially other people. Not strange in a way that they are weird, but strange that they are new. Maybe it is the way that she is a sort of peace maker...or that she thinks she can cure the ills of the world by having a baby...now the last isn't true of me, but I could totally relate to wanting to fix things and make them just like when they were good. Everyone in this movie acted their part so well. It had a beautiful story behind it....I just can't recommend this movie enough. I just really loved it. CHECK IT OUT! You wont be disappointed I promise!

ME AND STUPID SURGERY

Hey all...I love you guys so much and thank you for all your kind thoughts and prayers and such. I have to have stupid surgery on Thursday April 6th. I am still in super pain. Not Super like oh its' great...but duh, like i need to explain that.
I will be in the hospital overnight and stay 1-2 days. I am so scared. But everyone says it will be all better when I wake up besides the pain from the surgery.
I am a little upset and will use this place to vent...
Everyone keeps saying you will feel so much better..the surgery is an everyday thing people get it all the time. I just can't shake the thoughts of Haven't I been through enough? Why ME? I am so depressed over it at times. I just don't get what I am supposed to be taking away from this experience? What is it I am supposed to learn. They say everything happens for a reason and I am so freaking tired of not knowing the reason of why everything has happened the way it has. It really pisses me off. I am tired of everyone saying it is going to be OK...and that I am Lucky they are doing the surgery right away. I just don't see it that way sometimes. I want for once to hear someone say they are sorry...not b/c they are sorry, but that they sympathize w/ me having to go through something else. Maybe I don't hear it from my everyday conversations b/c they are trying to keep me happy/up, but sometimes I don't want that. I want to be allowed to be sad....allowed to be angry and allowed to be scared. I don't want a thousand reasons that this is a great thing. I am just tired.
Anyway, My mom sent me this link
Click on Animations
Then on the next page Spine Procedures
You have to enter in your zipcode, but since I don't know if it is just anyone's zip or what eveter in 41016...choose the 1st DR on the list (it isn't mine, but it is the same procedure)
Then Click on Spine, after that Cervical
Then Click Anterior Cervical Discectomy Fusion Instrumented
It is pretty cool. It walks you through an animation of the procedure that I am having.
So anyway keep the get well vibes coming. I can't tell you how much it means to me that you all care.

MY BOY IS MAD FUNNY

HEY ALL! I KNOW HE DOESN'T BLOG OFTEN BUT SETH BLOGGED! IT IS ABOUT SOMETHING SO FUNNY THAT HAPPENED TO US! PLEASE CHECK IT OUT HERE

LOVES IT!!

I love this little waterboy
And his whole family actually!
So cuteness!

My Carly is a Rising Star!

Carly is trying to cheer me up since I have been
feeling so awful... she's reading her old Junie B
Jones Journal. She just pulled it out tonight to
cheer us both up since I have been in pain and she was
so sick all night last night....we were reading it and
I just wanted to share this w/ you!
We are cracking up...here is a poem she wrote

The Food I love best is cheese sticks
when I grow up I am going to eat weiner sausages for
breakfast lunch and dinner
here is a poem about my favorite food... it's called
I LOVE CHEESESTICKS
by Carly

Roses are red
Violets are purple
I love Cheesesticks
and so does my Mom

Even though laughter caused the pains to become a little sharper, I made her read it over and over b/c it was making me cry so hard from laughter.....my favorite feeling in the world X2 since I was with one of my most favorite people!

Anyway, On to what is going on. A while ago I fell walking the dogs. I may have blogged about it but can't remember now. I broke my left ankle and sprained the right. In the very beginning of this month I started to notice some pains in my neck and arm on the right side. This past 10 days have been unbearable. I had a scheduled appointment to see my oncologist for my 3 month check up and I was so worried b/c of how freaky fast the symptoms got worse, and b/c of the symptoms themselves. my right hand is numb, my whole right arm hurts and the pain radiates from my neck down to the bottom of my back now, on the right side. I was thinking the worst....I guess this comes from being told the worst (Cancer) on 3 different occasions. I thought it could be MS, Bone Cancer...a blood clot (which I have had problems with in the past). My Oncologist prescribed me Oxycodone....which has since ceased to be of any help, and a prednisone pack (YUCK!) I had an MRI done, and I have to see a Neuro Surgeon on Friday. Please wish me luck. I am scared.

Gasoline prices DISGUST me

Nevertheless This is pretty nifty.

Just enter your zip code after clicking the link above and it tells you which gas stations have the cheapest prices (and the highest) on gasoline in your zip code area. It's updated every evening.

Not Myself These Days

Hi All. I am not able to type well. I tried to type this same post the other night, but got too frustrated w/ all the typos I was making due to my right arm which is in severe pain and my right thumb and index finger which are totally numb. I have a possible pinched nerve. I saw the DR 2 days ago and go tomorrow for an MRI. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers if you will. I am scared. Don't worry though...I am sure everything is A O K. Love you all! Ignore any typos...I tried my best.

Something Fun to Do

This is a personality test. You take it by drawing a pig....it's something fun! Try It!

Johnnie Taylor

This was Johnnie Taylor who had the number one song on April 23, 1976, The Day I was Born. "Disco Lady"
What was The Number One Hit when you were born?

YUCKY MONDAY

Today I will go to see my Oncologist. I am sure everything is fine. It is just the thought of going that I hate. I hate that I am still on many prescriptions to keep me healthy. I am just so ready to be a NORMAL 29 year old. I have been doing this since I was 21. It just gets lonely where I am sometimes.
In good news though, this is the first time that I have EVER in all these years gone 3 months from visit to visit. The last time I saw him was in the begining of December, so that's cool. I am just not looking forward to it. Another thing I hate about it is going alone. Whle I don't need anyone to hold my hand anymore, as it is just a follow up visit, it is still frightening to go to a place where on 3 seperate occassions I have gotten REALLY bad news. Oh well, I'll Suck it up and go...fingers crossed.
Tomorrow is back to the Dentist for more fillings.....
This is a great start to a week.

I did end the note on a great note though! My friend had her baby! He is the cutest little (if you can call (11 lbs 2 oz little) thing! He has the chubbiest cheeks I have ever seen on a newborn! I just love him!

And in disgusting news...

I ate a WHOLE sleeve of Girl Scout Thin Mints today.
I sicken myself....Literally.

Who Doesn't Love Mr Furley?

God bless him... He was a funny guy!

Half Assed?

So I am making my bed today, and I didn't take the whole sheet and ONE of the 5,000 covers we sleep with at night off. I am trying to make it look good though, and the term (Often used, but I am still unsure why) half ass-ed comes to mind. I for one hate 1/2 ass-ing things....I like to put the whole ass in it. "Go big or stay home" I always say, which is also a perfect pun here.
So I got to thinking about the phrase....Why when something is 1/2 done or not done perfectly do we say it is 1/2 ass-ed? When something is done by all the rules we don't say we Whole Ass-ed it and it looks great! Is Whole Ass going to take the place of Ace-ing a job?
So maybe I will surf the web and try to find the origin of 1/2 Ass, then again maybe not....gives me something to ponder.

Letter to a Pet

I thought this was funny!


Dear Dog & Cat...

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your
food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure
your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to
the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out
and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing
but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same
door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or
feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!


To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door: Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About

Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.(That's why they call it "fur"niture.

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember:
Dogs and cats are better than kids because they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear
your clothes, don't need gazillion dollars for college, and if they get
pregnant, you can sell their children.

As it turns out

As it turns out when you need drastic measures taken to produce drastic changes, all you need to do is blog about it for the world!
I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!

The Elusive O

SUCKS ASS

Outbursts!

OK, so lots of people say I am a Drama Queen...I say with everything I have been through I have earned my Drama Rights. Poor Seth though, we will be driving along quietly and I will just completely burst out with "OH MY GOD, I AM DYING OF HEAT EXHAUSTION" Why I don't just reach up to the dashboard and adjust the temperature I don't know. This doesn't only happen occasionally, it is actually MOST of the time! : ) Seth is good though, he will mostly put up with my outbursts. He will kindly reach up and adjust the temp, or put his hand on my leg to calm me.....but Lord help us all if he acts like there is something abnormal about the way I act. I think if he isn't with me and I say "HOLY SHIT I AM FREEEEEEEEEEEEZING. I am going to get Frostbite...It is so FREAKING COLD!!! He secretly tries to contain his laughter....not so well sometimes I might add. I just go PSYCHO CRAZY BITCH on his ass!!!
So we were driving along innocently and I had one of those outbursts, OH MY GOD I FEEL LIKE MY INSIDES ARE ON FIRE!!!! DAMN, SHIT, F-ing A.....I am going to die....Seriously I THINK I AM DYING SETH!!!!! He turns to me doe eyed and says "So, Is that Tourettes do you think????" He was So genuine and serious.....I mean he honestly thought that I may have Tourettes!
I can't remember if I have ever laughed that hard in my life....lucky for him! Rest assured, on top of everything else I don't have Tourettes, I like to say I just have a lot of PASSION!!!! Not Sure Seth would agree! : )

My Funny Valentine

This is little Cheddar. His Brother is Colby, but he was napping during the photo shoot! Look at his little scarf! I just love this little guy so much!

Happy Valentines Day Lovers!

OK so here it is, February 14th. I love this day. I love everything about it. I love telling everyone that I love "I Love You" Which I do most days anyway. I know lots of people say "it's a Hallmark Holiday" So What if it is? If there is a Holiday that focuses soley on LOVE then I am all for it. In this day when all we hear on the news is war, death, sadness, it is nice to have a Day that we can tell those that mean the most to us I LOVE YOU....
So here it is ya'll

I LOVE YOU!!!!
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!

ME? Linked?

OK, So I am super pumped!!!
Why?
B/c I am linked to off of some Super Fly Chicks' Sites!!!
I don't think Seth can understand why I am screaming at the top of my lungs every time I see MY Site linked, but I am!!
Thanks...you girls rock my socks off!

funny

I was blog surfing yesterday and found a couple sites I LOVE just by linking to them off of others' blogs. Everyone should definitely read this post at whingingit.com It made me laugh so hard! Also off of Why are we in this handbasket I found another entertaining site Jenny_Jacobs
Have fun!

Told you so

Seth, Try as I might you never listen to me.
It is coming. I am scared.

A MILLION LITTLE PIECES

GET OVER IT!!!! So the book wasn't all true, it was still a great book nonetheless.
I happened to get my hands on it before it was on Oprah as one of her books of the month.
I LOVED IT! I guess I am a little disappointed, but still if this guy really had an addiction and had to stay in rehab, and has sobered up and made something of himself, what do we care if he fabricated bits of his story? I feel for him. I just wish people would get off his back! If I were him, I would probably turn back to drugs, to get away from all of this scrutiny and escape this cruel world as was probably the reason he turned to drugs in the first place.
If you read it and still feel duped just imagine it was a fiction book. Isn't that the reason for reading anyway? To get out of your corner of the world and be transported to someone else's?
I think it took tremendous courage to tell his tale, and I applaud James Frey for that.

BORED OPERA

I am so boredeo
sitting at homeo
i hate it heario
every dayio

i wish i hadeo
money to spendeo
to hallmark id goeo
to spend that dougheo

also i hateo
my stupid haireo
shouldve let it groweo
but i cut it offeo

never happyeo
with myselfeo
what can i doeo
spit in my shoeeo

MY ALL TIME FAVORITE COMMERCIAL

I am on my knees bowing to the DOVE gods and goddesses!
This Commercial shown during the Super Bowl made me so happy.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SETH

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday Dear Seth
Happy Birthday to you!

I hope you have a wonderful 33rd b-day today, and a happy healthy year!

SOMEONE HELP ME

Has anyone happened to look at this blog and read the post called I AM...there was a pic of Wonder Woman beside it, and Seth refuses to believe it was ever on here. It has disappeared and I don't know how I did that. I was using a mix of Firefox and Safari in viewing and updating today, and somehow it was erased.....I am so sad....Please let me know if you happend to see it....

Pretty you Pitiful me

You are so pretty.
So where does that leave me?
Sad and always alone,
in a house thats not a home.
I try to sleep the day away
To relieve some of the pain.
It never goes quite fast enough
and when you arrive I blow up.
What the hell is wrong with me?
What is it that makes me so angry?
I really do not like myself,
or our situation b/c of my health.
I am whom to blame
every time I yell a name.
Its nothing that you really do,
I'm just jealous of beautiful you.

HELLO???

I have been wondering where everyone is. I have not gotten any comments on my blog...don't get me wrong, I know it is SO BORING. I Really can't even stand to read it myself, but the last was boring as well...and I got comments, anywho...
I checked my settings, and for some reason comments were supposed to be sent to me before they were approved, and I wasn't getting them. Not to say that there were any to get. Oh well....

Word Of The Day

The Word of the Day is

OMELETTE

Let's use it in a sentence:


"I should pop yo ass fo what you jus did, but omelette dis one slide"

This is neat!

I got this from Annesa's Site, and she got it somewhere else! I love it!

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Maggie Lockard!

1. Red Maggie Lockard at night, shepherd's delight. Red Maggie Lockard at morning, shepherd's warning!
2. Maggie Lockard was declared extinct in 1902!
3. Maggie Lockard will often rub up against people to lay her scent and mark her territory.
4. Finding Maggie Lockard on Christmas morning is believed to bring good luck.
5. The word 'samba' means 'to rub Maggie Lockard'.
6. 99 percent of the pumpkins sold in the US end up as Maggie Lockard.
7. Ideally, Maggie Lockard should be stored on her side at a temperature of 55 degrees.
8. Fifty-two percent of Americans drink Maggie Lockard!
9. When provoked, Maggie Lockard will swivel the tip of her abdomen and shoot a jet of boiling chemicals at her attacker.
10. All gondolas in Venice must be painted black unless they belong to Maggie Lockard!

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

House of D

This is a wonderful movie, that just really touched me. It is an older movie I guess....I had added it onto my blockbuster Queue and watched it this weekend. It really fired up every possible emotion and I feel better having watched it.
Anyway, if you are looking for a great movie to watch on a lazy weekend, I suggest this. It is written and directed by David Duchovney.
If you are looking for Action and an OKAY movie then I suggest Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I rolled over and closed my eyes for the last 20 minues, b/c I thought it was never going to end, but Seth seemed to like it!
It seems that almost every movie these days is TOO LONG. But it was OK and really good if you like Action.

I MADE IT THROUGH THE RAIN

So it is 12:35am and I made it through what Good Morning America and My Local News Channel said was the Most Depressing day of the year, January 24.
What was the point in telling people that? What was the point of over-sensationalizing it? It was actually a lead to get me to watch the news.
Today was a little depressing as I watched Oprah and it turns out We are facing a Pan Demic called the Bird Flu and we are all doing to die. And the symptoms will be so much worse than the regular Flu. Seth laughs at me. But I am seriously worried. What if Oprah and this Dr/Scientist/Psychic man are right? What if it is just like how we were warned that the Levee's needed to be built stronger in New Orleans? We were told that some day there would be a huge storm maybe a category 4 or 5 and that they would break and there would be a great flood.
They said NOONE was listening, and we would all be taken by surprise by the terrible Bird Flu. O brought up a great point. Maybe we don't listen b/c the same ammount of urgency they place on needing to know that we are all going to die (40 seconds of news time) Is also given to the break up of Jennifer Anniston and Brad Pitt or that Angelina's adopted children now have the last name Jolie-Pitt, or Whatever...it just sucks. I hate the news, so I gave it up for Lent last year, and haven't really watched. It is depressing, but then I go out and Seth and everyone else is talking about did you hear this? Did you hear that? I didn't hear it, and I feel like, I should KNOW THAT! I can't win for losing...I hate that saying.

Apple Macintosh...a good decision?

This Mac Frustrates the ever loving SHIT out of me.....
and that sentence I just wrote frustrates me as well... why do we say ever loving crap/shit (whatever you insert at the end)
b/c usually people don't love shit, they hate it, so why don't we say the ever hatin' shit out of me? Who knows.
You know what else frustrates me? This BLOG.....try as I might I am just not that interesting. I have nothing to say that anyone gives a crap about...I don't even know why I do it, except that if feels good that I got it out in cyberspace that I hate APPLE MACINTOSH, and I miss my PC, but SOMEONE and I am not naming names But SOMEONE who I married, but I am not telling who it
is, But SOMEONE whose Initials are SRL but I wont say their name is an APPLE SNOB. OH well, PC, I miss you and I will always love you even if others turn their back to you. I want you back in my life...the mac is confusing, backwards and it doesn't do what I want it to.

And so it is time for my Whitney Breakdown
And i e i e i
will always LOVE you oo oo oo oo oo I will always love you oo i oo i will always love you....
That's It, I have completely LOST it.....

A Bad Movie

I saw a bad movie. It is an oldie called Deliverance....if you are ever looking to see a movie that may send you into a deep depression this is it. It made me sick, and I will probably have nightmares about that boy that played the banjo for the rest of my days...oh and the pig squeeling scene as well.

A Good Movie

I saw a great movie...it was called RORY O'SHEA WAS HERE.
If you are looking for a good movie to see...this is it!

Broken

I feel broken.
I walked the dogs on Thursday after I got home from being at the Hospital with my Aunt. This was the first day since Christmas that I have felt well, and I spent it in the hospital....ironic? Nah, it was ok....I was happy to be there for my Aunt. So anyway, I am walking the dogs, and I fell. After I realized what happened to me, I tried to figure out how to get up. I got up on my feet in Great pain and hobbled across the street. I screamed Carly's name as loud as I could in the condition I was in. She was in the house doing her homework, about 4 houses away. Luckily she heard me, and ran to me. I leaned on her for support crying the whole way home. I got to my outside steps and sat down and cried. Carly called my parents and they got to me in about 3 minutes. They tried to help me hop up the steps, but my ankles weren't having that. I crawled up on my hurt knee and groaned,moaned and cried my way up the steps, I crawled to the couch and somehow got up to it. We called Seth who was on his way home from work and told him to get home as fast as he could... When he came home, he told me that we could go to the hospital the hard way or the easy way, but I basically had no choice. My Left ankle had already swollen to the size of a tangerine. I was in such pain. We called 911 and Seth rode in the ambulance (NO LIGHTS NO SIREN...Per my request)...or should I say demand??? hmm.... : )
When we got there I waited what seemed like forever for x-rays pain management etc...
Turns out I have a sprained right ankle and a broken left ankle. My right foot gets worse and worse each day and we think that I may have broken a bone in my foot as well. I have air casts on both ankles, was given crutches and a script for a wheel chair. I am in pain every minute, and will see the orthopedic Dr. tomorrow.
Will I ever be OK???? Will I ever be normal???? And will I ever get Lucky??? argh!!!! I want to scream!!!!!

Witness to an Accident

This makes me laugh so hard everytime I hear it. Everyone has probably heard it by now, but if not, or if you want to laugh again have a listen to this...


And if that doesn't have you rolling...check out this blog I just happened upon!

I think ACDC can explain this better than I

Back in black
I hit the sack [I hate to say]
I've been too long I'm glad to be back [I bet you know my recipe pack]
Yes, I'm let loose
From the noose
That's kept me hanging about
I've been looking at the sky [A little lickin' on the side]
'Cause it's gettin' me high [just a gettin' me high]
Forget the hearse 'cause I never die
I got nine lives
Cat size [cat's eyes]
Abusin' every one of them and running wild [Cruisin' every woman, never wonderin' why]

CHORUS:
'Cause I'm back
Yes, I'm back
Well, I'm back
Yes, I'm back
Well, I'm back, back
(Well) I'm back in black
Yes, I'm back in black

Back in the back
Of a Cadillac
Number one with a bullet, I'm a power pack
Yes, I'm in a bang (Yes, I give a bang]
With a gang
They've got to catch me if they want me to hang
Cause I'm back on the track
And I'm beatin' the flack
Nobody's gonna get me on another rap
So look at me now
I'm just makin' my play [pay]
Don't try to push your luck, just get out of my way

CHORUS

Well, I'm back, Yes I'm back
Well, I'm back, Yes I'm back
Well, I'm back, back
Well I'm back in black
Yes I'm back in black

hooo yeah
Ohh yeah
Yes I am
Oooh yeah, yeah Oh yeah
Back in now
Well I'm back, I'm back
Back, I'm back
Back, I'm back
Back, I'm back
Back, I'm back
Back
Back in black
Yes I'm back in black

Out of the sight [sack]