KARMA AND TEARS

Function: noun
Etymology: Sanskrit karma fate, work
1 often capitalized : the force generated by a person's actions held in Hinduism and Buddhism to perpetuate transmigration and in its ethical consequences to determine the nature of the person's next existence

I do not believe in Karma. I couldn't possibly. How would I explain everything that has happened to me? I mean, I couldn't have done anything THAT WRONG!!!
I am noticing more and more that I am a very jealous and selfish person....could this be why I had Cancer 3 times?
I remember being engaged to Carly's dad. While we were engaged I got pregnant (Blessing in disguise of a monster). About 3 months into the pregnancy He told me he was cheating on me. This is where I think the jealousy stems from..It is also so hard to ever trust again after something like this has happened to you. I used to wish that the saying "what goes around comes around" was true..Just for his sake. I wanted him to suffer beyond anything I could ever do to him. He is now married w/ two more children.
My brother just found out that he is having his4th baby. It's not that I am not happy for him.....I couldn't be happier for their new edition, but I can't help but wonder Why Not Me? I have known from the second that I had Carly that Mothering is what I wanted to do with my life. I have always known that I am an awesome mom. It comes so naturally. I love doing it, and I knew when the time was right (like when I was older and married) I wanted to have more children. Unfortunately Babies weren't in my future. Cancer was, and all the crap that comes along with it.
Geezz, and to make me feel even worse I am wishing it was me that was pregnant....That is SO a HUGE SIN and I am probably going straight to hell.
Maybe sometime I will know how to end this, but not for now...as I explained earlier, I am feeling way too sorry for myself to make sense of anything right now....Tears, tears, tears

Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it. ~Albert Smith

Free???

I have always thought that one of the best things about being here in America, is that we have the freedom to say what we want to, how we feel about something/someone. It seems though, that this doesn't really hold true. OR does it.....I am still thinking while writing this. When The Dixie Chicks said at a London Concert that they were embarrassed that George W was from their State of Texas, the backlash they received from that was terrible. From what I understand they received Death Threats and all sorts of boycotting and booing them...I guess I don't get it. One of the many perks of living here is our Freedom of speech, Yet they share an opinion and are chastised for it.....or is the chastising just another form a free speech....


I was sitting in the living room saying this aloud, and Seth said you should blog about that.....b/c I told him last night that I haven't blogged b/c I have nothing of interest to say.....And here I am blogging and I still don't know what it is I am trying to say. It pisses me off that they can't speak their mind w/o it being detrimental to their careers. On the other hand Boycotting is a sort of freedom of speech........I am so confused now, and Again I have nothing of importance or interest to say......Unsure why I started the blog back up, b/c I can't think of anything to talk about.

Sorry if there is anyone out there reading......I am a little boring lately

Are you kidding me w/ this?

David Blaine is Insane

I STILL love this stuff!

This stuff makes me happy....be it online or in a package.
You know how they say kids will be more happy with the box or paper that a present comes in than the present itself? I find this ALMOST true with Bubble wrap for myself!

CRUNK

When I was in LA my brother and sister in law kept saying things were CRUNK....
"You look straight up Crunk in that hat"
"Hey can I have a drink of your Crunk Juice"
Which led me (OF ALL PEOPLE) to say What is CRUNK? They were surprised to learn that I didn't know what it was and had never heard of it before. I thought it was a Whack kind of Crack....Seriously....When I saw Whitney Houston on an interview say Crack is Whack, I think it stuck in my head that it was Crunk...ANYHOO...
***Seth thinks I am ghetto*** I may have shared this before So for me to not know what Crunk was, was just, well something is not right w/ the world! : )
They informed me it meant Good, and Great....Awesome....
I got home and went to one of my favorite websites www.urbandictionary.com
Crunk actually means a cross between Crazy and Drunk.
Anyway, for me to look "STRAIGHT UP CRUNK" wasn't the best compliment I could receive....I guess??
I was told by a guy once that "EVERYTIME I SEE YOU, YOU ARE DRUNK" He had seen me what....twice? Once at a wedding and once at a Halloween party...I mean, HOW RUDE. I liked him...even still after he said that....I thought to myself man, I have to sober up....those are 2 of the handful of times that I was tipsy, I think I am just naturally a happy/crazy person....so maybe I am crunk??
Anyway, I will end this rambling with a quote from one of my favo comedians-

"I went out with a guy who once told me I didn't need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, ‘I'm drinking so that you a’re more fun to be around." -Chelsea Handler

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That reminds me....so happy that Rosie is going to be on the view....Love her, Loved her show, She will be great to play off Star
So glad that Ellen won another Emmy! I have loved her since she was a secretary on a Fox show (I think) Called Duet but then it was spun off to a show called Open House.

COOLIO

Ok, So I am pretty much in love with this song. I have loved Dave forever...he's just so...I don't know....cool
I do not get the BMG but they are pretty cool too in this. I have heard of them before, but never seen anything of theirs....I will have to investigate!

I'm a Redhead now!

One Pro of being a (Cancer Free!!!!) girl is being able to change your hair on a whim!!! I just love doing it! I think it kind of freaks Seth out a bit....but he'll get used to it....I HOPE! At least this time I did it from a box! I usually spend too much at the salon.....but how do I get this dye from under my finger nails??? MANICURE ANYONE??? : )