OH GROSS : )

10 songs you were probably conceived to

Night-time Meds

My Boy's Got Mad Dancing Skills

Stay

If I stay here in bed as the world spins away
I could be by myself and not get in the way
The way of the world as it goes on and on
I could hide here in bed all night and day long
Sometimes I don't want to wake and sleep I crave
I am crying out but am beyond being saved

ARRR!

Happy Talk Like a

Pirate Day!

Crazy Girl...Seriously El Loco Coco, Coo Coo Cachew

You are coo coo for cocoa puffs,
I don't even know where you come up with this stuff.
Is it because your life's so sad?
You want everyone to feel just as bad?

Its sick to bring the good down,
for no reason at all.
I get the feeling you'd cease to breathe,
if you had no one to laugh at after their fall.

Me falling from grace
would be your best day
and its sad that this is you>
Because I would've done anything for us to just be cool

And its sick to conjure up a lie
to have something to talk about.
I truly believe that you would die
if drama, you had to live with out.

Kudos

I downloaded the PINK cd I'm Not Dead a few months ago when it first came out. I wanted the song "Stupid Girls" b/c I thought I loved the beat, the words...I just found it to be really true of what is going on in Pop Society today. I decided to buy the whole cd, I am not sure why.?? When Listening to it, I came across the song "Dear Mr. President" I haven't been able to listen to it after the first day of hearing it b/c it makes me cry too hard. I listened to it back to back to back about 10 times, just trying to soak up all the words. (Ask Seth...he hates the song...probably b/c of the constant repeat!)
Anyway, just thought I would share. If you ever want to, I strongly recommend downloading/buying the cd.

"Dear Mr. President"
Pink (feat. Indigo Girls)

Dear Mr. President
Come take a walk with me
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly

What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep
What do you feel when you look in the mirror
Are you proud

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why

Dear Mr. President
Were you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
How can you say
No child is left behind
We're not dumb and we're not blind
They're all sitting in your cells
While you pave the road to hell

What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye

Let me tell you bout hard work
Minimum wage with a baby on the way
Let me tell you bout hard work
Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away
Let me tell you bout hard work
Building a bed out of a cardboard box
Let me tell you bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
You don't know nothing bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
Oh

How do you sleep at night
How do you walk with your head held high
Dear Mr. President
You'd never take a walk with me
Would you

SAD SUNDAY

Sunday nights are typically depressing for me. I find myself irritable, and sad. I hate that it is the start of a new work week for everyone. I hate that I am not "normal" enough to work/hold a steady job. I start to get these useless feelings, but even more so now that School is starting back up for Car. I am always sad that Sunday night means when I wake up Seth wont be here. He will be back at work. For a while we would have a lot of arguments on Sundays. Then I realized, I wasn't mad at him, I was mad about the situation. At least when C is home during the summer, I feel somewhat useful, and like I am doing something. Like when I tell people "I am a stay at home mom" instead of "Eat Shit" (like I really WANT to) when they ask what I do....I truly am in the summer. I am staying at home and taking Care of my girl. During the school year I am just a Stay at Home. I wont lie though I could and say that I am a Homemaker. I do nothing for this home. My husband brings home the bacon and if it is to be served then he fries it as well. Occasionally I will make dinner. But I don't do all the household chores like I should. I have NO motivation to do anything during the school year. Anyway, just wanted to vent, to no one in particular....just wanted to get it out there. I would love to be a better person...with a purpose would be nice.

Always Wear a Fresh Pair...You know in case of accidents and such

It's National Underwear Day!

I DID IT!

I am so amazingly blessed in my life. I have a beautiful daughter, no matter how much we but heads. (she is just like me...which can be both good and bad at times) I have a husband who loves me, no matter what. I met him after I had Carly and he both accepted US and loved us ALMOST as quickly as I loved him. I have an amazing set of parents. They love me, they take care of me and they wouldn't have it any other way. I could never ask for better friends than those that I have. I love them all so much. My Bone Marrow Donor saved my life...she too has a beautiful family. All of these people have surrounded me. Rallied around me. Given me UNCONDITIONAL love and care, shoulders to cry on or just lean on.
How do you adequately thank people for being their for you, when if not for them you wouldn't have had the will, the reason, the strength.
I have had some daunting life experiences I guess you could call them. I just celebrated my 5 year anniversary of my bone marrow transplant. I don't know how to explain why I made it other than I had to. There are so many others out there like me though that haven't been so lucky. For them I grieve. Sometimes I feel completely and totally overcome with sadness because I NEED a reason why.
Alot of people in my life have said there is a reason for everything. I never understood that...what could the reason be for me getting sick at 21?
A few months ago a nurse that coordinated my transplant, my stay in the hospital, all of my insurance issues called me and asked me if I would talk to a lady that had Hodgkin's Disease and like me was going through it for the third time. She was to have a bone marrow transplant in May. She gave me her phone number and I called her. We talked for a couple hours. She had many questions, some about the transplant, some about what happens next. I tried to answer them all as honestly and positively as I could. After talking to her I felt a huge sense of accomplishment I guess you could call it. Like I had done something that truly mattered. If that is "the reason" -my being able to help someone by answering questions then I could without a doubt do it over. If I can help ONE SINGLE PERSON, then it was all worth it.

Fat Feelings

Beefy and Bulky
Heavy and Husky
Obese and Hefty
Stubby and Tubby

Bad Feelings

Deplorable and Horrible
Slow and Gross
Hate and Sadness
Pitiful and Morose

Silence or Talk?

IF anyone can help me out I would so appreciate it....if you check out my post below about being a wild and crazy guy you will see how I was basically shamed for trying to be sexy.
Anyway, What do guys want in Bed....Silence? Or a little talk? My Guy completely in a fight said something out loud that I had said the night before during sex.....and then he started to laugh. My self esteem is shooting down the tubes faster than the speed of sound. I have been really down in the dumps lately b/c of this. I can't believe after 9 years, all this is coming to light.
ANY ADVICE would be greatly appreciated.

NEW HANDLE

Is that what the title of a blog is called....see I really don't know and I am trying to sound as smart as possible....which can be a daunting task for me at times!!!
Anywho...
Some people got ahold of my blog name and something that was on there got back to my Dad and then to My Mom who thinks that I am going to be killed just like someone on Primetime 20/20 Mystery of Dateline. So I told her I would stop blogging, but now what I plan to do is just not give this out except to those of you who promise not to tell my mom ....
Funny I am 30 years old and still try to apease my Mom whenever possible. So that's the reason for the change in name.
Just as the ol' standby Sneaky Peek had a funny story behind it involving my little tike So does Pupcakes and Pantons.
Those two words were her mispronunciations of Cupcakes and Tampons when she was learning to talk. Anyway, if you are one of those that have linked to me off of your site then if you would change the name of my blog to pupcakesandpantons.blogspot.com

FIXED?

I seriously doubt that Cheddar agrees.
Poor little guy.
Watch Out Colby, You're next...

Free???

I have always thought that one of the best things about being here in America, is that we have the freedom to say what we want to, how we feel about something/someone. It seems though, that this doesn't really hold true. OR does it.....I am still thinking while writing this. When The Dixie Chicks said at a London Concert that they were embarrassed that George W was from their State of Texas, the backlash they received from that was terrible. From what I understand they received Death Threats and all sorts of boycotting and booing them...I guess I don't get it. One of the many perks of living here is our Freedom of speech, Yet they share an opinion and are chastised for it.....or is the chastising just another form a free speech....


I was sitting in the living room saying this aloud, and Seth said you should blog about that.....b/c I told him last night that I haven't blogged b/c I have nothing of interest to say.....And here I am blogging and I still don't know what it is I am trying to say. It pisses me off that they can't speak their mind w/o it being detrimental to their careers. On the other hand Boycotting is a sort of freedom of speech........I am so confused now, and Again I have nothing of importance or interest to say......Unsure why I started the blog back up, b/c I can't think of anything to talk about.

Sorry if there is anyone out there reading......I am a little boring lately

COOLIO

Ok, So I am pretty much in love with this song. I have loved Dave forever...he's just so...I don't know....cool
I do not get the BMG but they are pretty cool too in this. I have heard of them before, but never seen anything of theirs....I will have to investigate!

What you don't realize...

Seth and I celebrated our 5th anniversary yesterday April 21, 2006. We have long wanted a digital camera and so we decided to visit the apple store to see if they had one in stock that we saw on the website. We found one and as w/ everything electronic Seth gets to get his grubby little paws all over it first!
I thought he was trying to figure the cameral out to take a picture of me....So I sat there and kept sticking my tongue out until he was ready for my BIG BEAUTIFUL GRIN....
Suddenly he says "WHAT YOU DON'T REALIZE..." I didn't think twice about it.... then he put the camera down turned it around and this is what I saw...

DARN IT!

I just found out that today is National High Five Day
Oh well... 3 hours and 15 minutes left....GET TO IT!

Lyrically Speaking

When I sit and listen to words to a song, I can almost always apply it to my life somehow. I have always been a lover of all things music. I played the clarinet in a band in Junior High, and started taking piano lessons at age 10-16 or 17. Sometimes I will hear a song (like The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony) and be completely moved to tears. That happens a lot to me. For some reason when listening to music it will stir up all kinds of emotions. Whether it is happy, sad, angry, jealousy...I welcome each feeling that a certain song conjures up. It is almost like I get some sort of release from just listening...And Lord help us if I am in a car alone....I will sing at the complete TOP of my lungs if the mood is right...I love those times! I have been told many times that I have a pretty voice.....I guess it is OK, but I seriously don't care, even if I am off key and having a bad singing day I will still sing!
Since my diagnosis of Cancer in March of 1998 when I was 21 almost 22 these feelings (whatever they may be) are so much stronger than they ever have been in my life. I love hearing a song that reminds me of a certain time/place/person in my life. I love listening to Cds that I have taken road trips with and remembering that time driving along and jamming.
There was a song Carly and I were listening to tonight on her iPod. We each had one of the ear buds in one of our ears and we love to look up the lyrics and sing-a-long. 10,000 Maniacs (the original) Trouble Me came on. I remember hearing it a long time ago maybe during highschool but really listening to the words when Seth and I started dating. He had the Unplugged CD. When the song came on, I turned to him and said, I would love it if someone would say this to me. That I could feel OK w/ sharing any trouble on my mind no matter what and not worry about the person being weighed down by that. The actual feeling of being able to "trouble" someone w/ whatever..whenever. Tonight while singing and listening to it with Carly I realized...It was like a lightbulb went off...I can offer this to her. I turned to her and explained the song in words she would be able to "get". We both had tears in our eyes while singing along to the rest of the song. I love that I have given her a gift that I have always had...to be able to remember the time when she was 10 laying in my bed looking at the iBook listening to the Shuffle singing to each other. To remember she can Trouble me with whatever and it wouldn't be any trouble at all...that she doesn't have to carry the weight of ANY problem EVER on her shoulders alone, because I want to always be there to help her through.

"Trouble me, disturb me with all your cares and you worries.
Trouble me on the days when you feel spent.
Why let your shoulders bend underneath this burden when my back
is sturdy and strong?
Trouble me." -10,000 Maniacs